East Vs. West

We could be talking about Egypt.  We could be talking about the Super Bowl.  But today’s Oregonian cover story — and God Bless Em for this — is about owls. (To our credit, the Times cover today mentions Egypt, the Super Bowl and…the Spider-Man Broadway play.  The world, everywhere, not just Portlandia, is just kinda dumb these days).

Anyhoot, the amazing, mindblowing headline reads:

WILL WE KILL SOME OWLS TO SAVE OTHERS?

Barred Owls are from the East Coast.  Personality: Aggressive, territorial, wary; known in the East as a “hoot owl” because of their distinctive call characterized as “Who cooks for you, who cooks for you all.”  (I swear to God, I’m quoting my local newspaper here).

Apparently these East Coast owls are stealing territory from the more timid Oregonian Northern Spotted Owl, and the local solution seems to be to shoot aggressive East Coast owls.  A modern day Aesop Fable if I’ve ever heard one.  Turning the page, the article continues with

OWLS:

Critic labels shooting plan ‘dysfunctional’

Our — the owls, and c’mon let’s face it, the East Coasters — populations have “exploded” in the past 20 years.  The article continues: …they either reached a population tipping point or fully adapted to West Coast conditions to become “kind of a super owl.”

“They just do everything well,” he says.

Kind of a super owl?!?

Later in the article, another biologist remarks:

“They are taking over.”

I love this.  You love this.  Owls in the news.  Owls as modern day myth.  Owls as hipster parable.  What — what do you read the newspaper for, anyway?  Who cooks for you?  Who cooks for you all?