The Miltonian Suggests

The Mark Spencer Hotel (Formerly The Nortonia Hotel)

Our pipes froze, our water got shut off, and our landlord put us up at the affordable hotel of our choice.  We chose the Mark Spencer Hotel, in wonderful downtown Portland.  Reasons: near work and transportation, mere blocks from our favorite cluster of Portland food carts (our favorite pad kee mao, our favorite burrito, our favorite Vietnamese curry, our favorite macchiato, our favorite falafel, our favorite tofu sandwich).  Also: they’re like little studios, these rooms, with a place to heat up that frozen pizza, or a freezer to keep the pizza frozen, your call.  Plus a fridge, to keep cool your bottles of local stout, which are consumed with said heated pizza, while Wayne’s World is viewed on the free cable television.

Jawbox’s Idea Of A Reunion

Having been broken up since 1997, they decide not to tour, or play their friends birthday party, or record a new album, opting instead to perform one song on Jimmy Kimmel.  And that’s it.  And not only play one song, but play Savory and play it so well as to remind us that yeah, fuck it, what a crazy noise-gnarled weird and more importantly important band, and also to remind us that the Nineties are now nearly over ten years ago, and we need them now more than ever before.

Lapping the Cat

Our cat, Streaky the Supercat, loves to go outside.  But he doesn’t just go outside.  He owns outside.  Like a protective watch dog, he patrols, sentinel style, the back yard, the sidewalks, the entire perimeter.  But furthermore he likes to be lapped.  Do you have a friendly cat, in your neighborhood, who tends to be on patrol but if greeted by the site of you instead decides to meep, follow, roll on his back, and follow some more?  Does he follow you to the bus stop on frosty mornings and you have to say no, no, go home, you can’t ride the bus with me?  If so, what your cat needs is a good lapping.  Here is how you lap your cat:  first, exit the house, with the cat.  The cat will do what a cat does, run, jump over a bush, hide under a car.  Walk to the end of the block. When you arrive, take a left, and begin circling the block on which your house (and the cats house) is located.  Note how the cat is following you.  It will use cars for shelter.  It will sneak beneath bushes.  But the cat is on your tail.  Jog a little.  The cat will speed up to try and catch up.  This is good for your cat as it provides valuable exercise.  Turn left again, now on the North Side of your block.  If there are long open stretches without parked cars to hide beneath, speed up, because the cat will want to run this stretch as fast as it can.  Note how you too are now getting some valuable exercise.  Turn left once more.  Final stretch.  Run the fastest.  The cat will outpace you, zipping lithely past your ankles, but this is fine.  Last left turn.  Oh look, you’re home.  Note the cat, already waiting for you on the porch.  The cat is out of breath.  You are out of breath.  Everyone got a work out, everyone had some fun.  Let the cat back in, your job is done: you have successfully lapped the cat.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s