Billy Hicks and Rapesax


Lead by Dr. H. Rutherford Cumberbacht, a group of respected historians has pinpointed the zenith and subsequent gradual downfall of the rapesax. Much like Rome peaked during its transformation from a republic to a monarchy under Julius and Augustus Caesar, the rapesax reached unparalleled heights when 80s heartthrob Rob Lowe transformed into the character of Georgetown dive bar superstar Billy Hicks (St. Elmo’s Fire). In Billy Hicks, the rapesax had its Caesar. To truly delve into the complex soul of his character, Lowe reportedly had teenage maidens sent to his dressing room on a daily basis. At this point, the power of the rapesax was so great that said trysts launched some of these teenagers into mega-stardom. It is rumored that Paris Hilton and Christina Aguilera were among those initiated into ‘The Order of the Harlot’ during visits with ‘Mr. Hicks.’ However, greatness cannot last forever, and the latter half of the 1980s were a period of decadent decline for the rapesax. Citing a simple case of history repeating itself, Dr. Cumberbacht says the fall of the rapesax mirrored the tragic path of the once mighty Roman Empire. As the iconic Billy Hicks had been its Caesar, Kenny G conversely became its Caligula. Dr. Cumberbacht and his team expect continued discoveries on the potency of the rapesax as they shift their examination to the complete catalog of Foreigner.


3 thoughts on “Billy Hicks and Rapesax

  1. i really hesitate to say this, knowing nothing about Billy Hicks, Rob Lowe, Paris Hilton, Foreigner or anything else that happened in the real world in the 80s, but …

    but Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is” is better than you might think

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