Fort Saint Davids Department of Hope You Had Your Coffee

FIRST DISCOURSE ON METAPHYSICS
by Sam Schwartz

If the body and the brain were a cell phone, the soul would be the SIM
card. If you want to know what happens to the soul after death,
research what cell phone manufacturers do with SIM cards after old
phones are reclaimed. (I have no idea.) In your researches, you should
pay no attention to what happens to the actual physical plastic SIM
card. The key item of your inquiry should be the SIM’s numerical key
within the universe of possible cell phone numbers. Is it passed onto
another user? Is it crossed out and left to rest? Does it somehow melt
back into the larger whole? The residual data of who you called and
what you paid each month still resides somewhere … does the SIM
remain attached to it somehow, after the contract expires?

The big answer can be found lurking somewhere within these smaller answers.

Please note also that cell phones engage in a variety of styles of
communication—sometimes audible, sometimes inaudible. Sometimes they
talk to one another with the help of people, sometimes they talk to
one another on their own, engaging in pleasant little chats while you
sleep with billing, technical support, customer service, the federal
government, etc. When a cell phone connects with another cell phone,
the data flows through a satellite in outer space, a giant flying
being unknown to us and unknown to the phones themselves. Compared to
the phones, this being is infinitely complex.

AND SO I HAVE SHOWN that two equally simple selves cannot truly
communicate unless there is some third, more complex being, routing
their signals. Or if not a being, then at least some kind of medium.

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4 thoughts on “Fort Saint Davids Department of Hope You Had Your Coffee

  1. Ben: Pagers are like animals in this respect. Not dolphins, either. More like chickens. They are all body.

    Whimsy: I wound up going with these guys Baldwin Formals. Check this out. You walk in any time before noon and you get a tailored tuxedo in most any style you like delivered to your hotel by 6pm that night. And these are not bullshit tuxes, either. These guys do the Tony awards! Thank you for your advice and I am glad to hear that you are back safe and sound.

    Bader: This post was totally amazing and deserved more than the paltry forty-five Tuesday morning minutes that it got at the top of the DM. Keep treating me like this and I’ll go back to writing for Sam Schwartz’s Black Steel Filing Cabinet. Yowza!!!

  2. Sam: The only person who decided to knock this post down too early was Alex, who feels that our readers deserve to read cryptic Judeo-Christian tracts on what he cooks the in-laws for dinner. We all know what God said to Cain when the dinner he cooked was the wrong one.

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