Hi-Rise

OVER THE SUMMER, FORT SAINT DAVIDS PRETENDED THEY LIVED IN A HIGH-RISE APARTMENT IN CHERRY HILL AND WOULD WRITE REALLY WEIRD EMAILS TO ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS EXPLAINING IT

It’s actually even weirder than that. But basically, yeah, a few of us during the sweltering hot days of summer would kind of lose our minds here in the snug FSD offices and would then proceed to write these insane broken-English missives full of intentional typos and cryptic inside jokes and then FWD them to all of our unfortunate friends. No one thought it was funny. But maybe you will! Drumroll pleaseFORT SAINT DAVIDS is proud to present HI-RISE, the collected demented mass emails of Summer 06. Make what you will of them, and do as you please.

Jun 20

Cherry Hill

CHERRY HILL HI RISE SUMMER APT LIFE
yo relax on yo beanbag
and yo watch yo cable tv
yo order ye bucket of wings
ye
and ye keep thee soda
COLD
in a bucket of ice
yo get chipped ice
from hallway ice machine
and ye take ye elevator down
and ye cross ye sweltering summer highway
and ye enter ye deli
and ye order ye turkey sub
yeah, tho the day be long
the dong, it be strong
ye drink ye soda on ICE
and it be
COLD
and ye play ye xbox 360ye
and ye watch ye cable tvye
ye
and
ye
and
ye
and when ye take ye ladee to thee raunt
yeah
ye order from the captains table
or the captains wharf
for this is thee summer

********************

i chill at yo crib
i watch that dvd
yo get a big a$$$ bucket
and yo fill it with thick chunks of ice
COLD ice
and then ye jab a big a$$$ 2 liter of COKE in that mofo
and ye let the COKE
CHILL
and when it be suffice of CHILL
then ye drink COKE
while we kick back
and watch that mofuckinfickin
DVD
yo cant handle tendercrisp chicken
but ye might
if ye try

yo never have had drink
from this soda
in this chunk of chipped shaved splintered ice
it is COLD
and when ye play the xbox 360
or when ye load up the PC
and learn WORLD OF WARCRAFT
ye will taste the drink of this COKE
yo
and
yo
when yo in this WORLD ye farm for GOLD
me and BONES have 3 guys in a third world country
we not say which
who farm the GOLD for us
one of the dudes names
is SAYID
and he farms it
so that we can get
to the next
LEVEL
yo
understand the level that this is bringing ye to

when yo be digg yo hands

through cold chips of frozen ice

to find glass bottle coke

it burns yo fingers

because

yo crisply furnished

ikea apt

sanitary

ike yo mother cleaned it

but she dint

YO DID

between bouts at world of warcraft

Final fantasy

worlds

yo AC be on blast fool

and yo glass bottle of coke

be COLD

and the sun outside

it be bright

and it be 9 am

yo be up

and then for lunch

yo go to the broadhouse

in pine barns

for burger

and then yo go back

to bucket of cokes

and then

yo work at market

and then

yo go to barngat light

and party on the strip

ice cream cones

with jawns

and hike beach woods

at night

no mosqiots

cuz no standing water

and it be HOT dawg

and yo be thingkina about yo bucket of COKES at home

and yo go home

and yo play

final fantasy

til the break of dawg

with you fried chicken

and yo BUCKET of glass bottle COKES

oin this foot
thou shoual see the phoot
at BARNEGAT LIGHT
of the CONE
ye ate with the JAWN
before ye hit the DUNE MAZE
and then went under the dunes to the jungle beneath
ye
tho ye hear the war of the worlds on the jetty
the world of warcraft be in ye mind
no joke
bones and me
3 dudes
3rd world
not saying which one
one dude he name is SAYID
and he farm us the GOLD
go to ebay.com
type in world of warcraft
and see what we have
FOR SALE

when yo leave yo cherry hill hirise

to go to moorestown mall

to meet yo sober crew

in they 20’s

yo wander around mall

slacking

and meeting other crews

in they 20’s

jamming on the latest

bdvvr

trackzs

and talking hi topics

like the places in between

and beach erosion

and kingdom hearts

and final fansthase

and then yo go

back to yo ikea crib

and yo play

kingdom hearts

with bucket of COKE

with yo crew

in garden

of giant bean bag chars

on yo wall to wall carpeting

that be smell like

beachhouse carpeting

ye leave
ye apt
and ye walk
down ye road
and ye meet frank
and ye in the neigbhorhood of green acres
under shadws of trees
sound of cicada
and cricket
light of firefly
across dark lawn
and ye walk
to the edge of town
where the grass grow tall
and the only light
is in the distance
and it is red
and ye see that it is the machine
and ye approach it through dark tall grass
and with 50c in ye pocket
ye purchase that can of COKE
from the machine
that leans against the rusty old garage
and in the dark night of mist and shadow
ye drink COKE
so now ye know that ye must check eBay and see
how the gold is selling for
WORLD OF WARCRAFT
as me and bones
have paid peple to farm it
in another country
so ye join us this summer
in this hirise apt.
in cherry hill
lean on this beanbag
have a coke from the bucket
and look who’s knocking on the door
oh its just a buddy
with two big hot bags full of BK
tendercrisp chicken, whoppers, fries and onion rings
come on in buddy
make yeseff comfortable
take this controller
create your character
and join this fantasy universe

yo wake up

after big crew slumber part

and

it be 8 am

yop

and yo play KINGDOM HEART

and yo all then go for lunch

and yo only eat SOUTHWEST FOOD

like

fajitas

chili

onion rings

food dawgf

and after yo and yo crew eat the southerwst food

yo all go to the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER

ajd walk ther in the heat

to wastch summer movies \

with popcord

and icese

and pretzel bits

anmd ice chip COKE

SUMPERMAN

yo

and after the movie

yop all play

final fansthse
at yo sanitary crib

and then yo go

to surf city

at ngiht

yo never knew

the chips of ice

in yo bucket of brushed steel

normally used to hold yo lobster

now holding only

yo GLASS bottles of COKE

while yo play kindgotnm hearts

and splinter cell

and enter the worlds

online

of world of warcraft

and yo lack

at the mall

anmd yo eat oyu beach food

and fajitas

and go see summer blckbusters

and yo cross ye highway

for yo seubs

with yo buddy

jeffrey ziegler

smellyziggys

Jun 21

this is some stuff that our crew has for sale on ebay

check out our druid
we made our druid in the cherry hill hi-rise
over a few ice-cold COKES

View larger picture

Starting bid:
US $1,900.00
End time:
Jun-24-0619:44:40 PDT (4 days)
Shipping costs:
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details
Ships to:
United States
Item location:
Tujunga, CA, United States
History:
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yo never know the feel of the ice chips

in yo brushed steel bucket

that yo normally use

when yo and yo buddies

go catching lobsters

clams

mussels

blue crabs

at barnegat light house

to put them in

and steal paddleboat

during off season

to paddle

to little bay island

and bring that paddleboat back

with jawns

because

the people who live there

aren’t home

because

it’s a week night

when yo reach in

to grab the cold glass bottle of COKE

in yo froze sanitary apt

so cold

yo ice chips

they don’t melt

and yo play

SPLINTER CELL

and SIMS

for hours

until

its fajita time

at the southwestern restaurant

across the highway

nex to the theater

where

NACHO LIBRE is playing

starring jack black

yo popcorn

is like hot version

of yo bucket

of ICE CHIPS

and GLASS BOTTLES of COKE

surf city here we come

o i forgot to mention

the grilling that yo do

o the grill

whn yo at grill

yo will see

flames will rise

yo grill all yo street level meat

and found seafood

yo on a seafood diet

when yo see seafood

yo look at it

and yo eat seafood

and grill chcken

with wine mop

and basting sauces

with chipotle

and pattypan squash

Aug 2

sarah always wins in 2 player mode

no matter what game it is
it’s monday night
sarah, phil, john, and maryann are over
it gets late
in yo walk in closet
it is comfortable
and yo put a fullsize mattress in the ere
yo pals love it
on a clipboard
outside the cloest
yo have a sign up sheet
where yo payls
sign up
to get to sleep in the closet
and paul is signed up next
but paul aint here
john is necxt
john wants to sleep in the closet
yo jlet john sleep in the closet
sarah sleeps on the couch and is up til 6 playing splinter cell
phil sleeps on the beacnbag chair
maryann sleep in yo bed
yo sleep in yo sleeping bag next to the bed
the next mornign
yo drive down white horse pike\
to OC
it is tuesday
yo and yo pals have to drop phil off at worjk at night
he i s wearing the clothes he’s going to eawar to work’
but yo and maryann throw him in the sea
in all this clothes
later maryann goose yo
yo drop phil off at the all night coffee shop where he be working the graveyard
sarah suggest syo go back to play tony hawk somemore
she slept on the beach
and got a sunburn
tomorrow’s her 27 th birthday

when yo play

star ocean and tony hawk undergroudn
with yor pals
yo listen
on yo shuffle
to the hebrides overture
by mendelseohjn
repeat 1
over and over
and yo pals
get hungry
and they want
temphey fajitsas
and yo know how to cook them
but the fajita joint
across the highway
know how to cook them too
plys the waitress
there
be looking cute
she be looking like the girl
from the swirlies
yo
and then
after fajitsas
yo and yo pals
walk to the multiplexs
and yo see
miaima vice
cuz yo heard that
is avant garde
and then on yo maiam vice kick
yo drive through the pine barns
to island beach
state park
and yo wiatress
she be there
eating
an ICE CREAM CONE

yo life
is yo summer
yo

how much
of yo summer
hav eyo plotted?

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