Archive for May, 2007

Keep The Car Running


Daily Readers! Let’s all give a warm Miltonian welcome to our new commentator, Matthew K!

The outdoor rock festival, as a genre, is perhaps in many ways an entirely operable malignancy on the ass of music, easily excised from a life: the rucksackers, the tribalists, the hemp-necklaced bros bro-ing down with pumping fists, packs of 16-year-old girls in very short shorts that make you feel creepy, 11-dollar beers, 5-dollar pretzels, 4-dollar tapwater, gates manned by security guards off-duty from prison work camps, sunstroke, sunburns, the elements in general, alcohol fatigue, a depressing lack of coffee, interminable afternoon languors, tent farms, asphyxiating crowds, &c., &c., all yours at the price of 30-150 dollars and an inevitable, interminable pilgrimage to the middle of the desert somewhere.

And it is, I’ll admit, difficult for me to effectively absorb more than one or two decent shows in a day. Perhaps it is that I’ve grown tired and old and are unable to learn more than one thing per evening. Or perhaps it is that lately, once my heart fills once, it keeps what fills it and doesn’t make room for anything else.

It is, perhaps, a failing.

But unafraid, we soldiered ourselves in a gang of two to the Sasquatch Festival, at the Gorge Amphitheater in George, Washington, which looks, stunningly, without benefit nor need of special effects, like this:

But first, of course, the drive, which very often looks like this:

This was along water so wracked by wind it broke like ocean waves. We rubbernecked by the occasional pack of kite surfers, nervously expecting a transient gust to pluck them like grapes from the water and cast them against the cliffs.

So we were already primed for spectacle, is what I’m saying, by the time we got there.

Except, there was no spectacle, really, for quite some time, just a lot of wandering around on the grass, some mediocre-to-horrible sound systems at the adjunct stages, and very little interaction among weary-looking attendees—it was a festival of solipsists. The Beastie Boys managed somehow to make their jobs look boring.

What’s the deal, we wondered? In the words of Miss Peggy Lee (R.I.P.)—who learned courage, she said, from Buddha, Jesus, Lincoln, Einstein and Cary Grant—is that all there is?

No, it really wasn’t. Arcade Fire, I was surprised to discover, may well turn out to be the most exciting show I see this year. I hadn’t, I’ll admit, jumped on this particular bandwagon early. Perhaps mistakenly, perhaps justifiably, I had decided that this was a band for people younger than I, for college radio programmers and overemotional teenagers.

But there’s something about ramshackle sincerity in a large setting that can be downright affecting even amid packs of hippies who make sincerity feel like a front for soft-drug smuggling or pyramid marketing schemes—something, that is, about 8 people on a stage all lined up in a row, all ecstatically shouting the same thing, asking you to please, please, please, for the love of mike, feel something.

And here’s the part where the genius of the outdoor festival kicks in. We needed the festival to love this show.

With the hugeness of the crowd and the fighting of the crowd and the tedium and length of the rest of the day, we had been broken down to our emotional baseline and made terrifically susceptible, like a Guantanamo detainee or Joan Crawford’s children. It was as if we’d been in a death camp, gotten released and then suddenly heard Vivaldi on the record player. One couldn’t help but get a little misty.

There were stage gestures, of course, things made for stadiums: drums being tossed around, winded sprints from instrument to instrument in the middles of songs, a tom being held by an audience member while a band member pounded away from the stage with the mic stand.

What really made things happen, though, was that the band itself seemed still surprised by its own music and by themselves, and still a little unrehearsed, still uncynical about their own spectacle in a venue that itself was a spectacle. The singer kept his game face, but the rest of the band slipped into involuntary, unguarded, unstaged smiles on a semi-regular basis. That is to say, they were having fun up there.

We are in favor of this. This is as it should be.

In two years, three, four (who knows?), they may become as cynical and workmanlike and tediously self-important as the two bands they resemble most—that is, U2 and the Boss, both of which were once just as surprised and awestruck at their own songs as they played them as the Arcade Fire appear to be now.

But if they’re lucky, they’ll instead go the route of Jonathan Richman and live forever in wonder. And we would very much like for this to happen, so that we can forever be in places where the pretty French Canadian behind us jumps excitedly up and down in place, desperately shouting, “”Il me faut plus d’espace! Je veux danser! Je veux danser!” as if dancing were the most necessary and important thing that ever existed.

In the end we all gave her more space, and she danced. Cutely, excitedly, and—because French—very badly.


5 comments May 30, 2007

Coast To Coast

It was East meets West this weekend, as the old FSD gang reformed for backyard BBQ, roofdeck BBQ, rooftop BBQ, front stoop BBQ, random park BBQ, beach BBQ, block party BBQ, and even the Great Invisible But Always Valid BBQ in Your Mind. We loved, laughed, and even had time to drink canned beer. Things will be back to normal here in FSDville by the end of the week. Thanks for being our best friend on the entire planet. Go into the house. Mahalo.


Add comment May 29, 2007

Stephanie Says, Part Three

In my idle time at this web company I found myself referencing
Youtube.com on a regular basis.  I  even some days I realized I spent
more time engaged in my curiosities of the sites content then working
on expanding the one I was working for.

Here is where it gets good.  My co-worker found Nornna.  Norna was hip
to youtube.com in it’s earliest days—or so it seemed.

Look at here.  She is the same age as I am.  She comes off as a child.
Is she slow?  Is she retarded?  Medically, I mean, I’m not being rude
or judgemental, but, seriously… LOOK at HER.

Nornna is a 24 year old female residing in Wausau, Wisconsin.  She
lives with her parents, fancies Winnie the Poo and all that is
related, talks sweetly to her obese cat, takes her Hi-8 with her each
day to record her life and activity.

I look at her profile each day.  Each day I find a new 2-5 minute
edited video that serves as her motion-picture diary available for an
incalculable number of eyes to  view.  Ten and twenty questions become
all I can handle to ponder.  How did she buy a camera?  What made her
want to record her activities?  Does she know that her simple
recordings resonate with so many people as far more significant in the
name of contemporary art and it’s constant search for newness and
purity?  No, she can’t.  If she did, it would not be proclaimed as
pure.  Nornna.  You sleep in pajama’s with prints of E’ore and
Piglet—fixtures of the children’s story “Winnie the Poo”.  Norna, you
obsess over meals and trips to WalMart or Subway, lending them as what
appears to be the highlight of that particular day.  Your obsessive
nature and peculiar way of displaying your crippling habits fascinate
thousands.  I cannot stop telling my interweb friends of your Youtube
profile.

This first article is about Norna.  It’s not about Myspace or
Friendster or Match.com.  I quite literally stumbled into learning of
her moving diary.  She alone answers the question of the popularity of
Youtube.com.  Midwest daughters living with their parents in
flourishing suburban neighborhoods are even hip to what Youtube.com
can be for even them.

So: fuck your pretentious videos of the Troggs, the Ramones, Fleetwood
Mac, Donovan, and Simon & Garfunkel’s early performances on the Philip
Leitch BBC cult television broadcast.  We all know that those things
are there for the taking.  Someone found Norna.  Someone showed Norna
to me and she is infinitely more interesting then an old music act.

Norna is new.  She is a symbol of a purity that does not occur in any
form of modern expressions.  The most intriguing portion of this
proclamation is that Norna does not know of the impression she leaves.  Norna does not know of her own audience.  She captivates hundreds and thousands of city-dwelling, perverted, eyes.
In her one can see a glimpse of what life is like when there is limited connection to popular culture.

Just when we think we possess the unique we are presented with the
reality that we are part of a self-obsessed similar mass.  I  say
“we” as I admit to being part of this naïve crowd that likes to think
of themselves as one-of-a-kind.  These one-of-a-kinds are part of a
greater number that is summarized as part of a popular culture once
thought of as secret and only for those that were ‘naturally’ members.
Ironically when one realizes and accepts they are part of pop culture
they begin to grow and actually become more an “individual”  and less
of a “really hip, hipster”.

Nornna knows nothing of this community.  Norna lives more freely then
most of us.  Norna is unabashedly herself 24 hours a day and has
deemed her life important enough to record.

I liken Nornna to Henry Darger.  She is our henry darger of the 21st
Century.  For those of you living in a cave, Henry Darger is the
proletarian art hero from  1930s,  Chicago, post-depression era.  He,
single handedly, created hundreds flawless drawings portraying current
notions of warfare and politics through ink, watercolor, and gouache
drawings of children.

Darger worked as a janitor in the city of Chicago in the 30s.  He
lived a quiet and loveless existence co-habitating with members of his
immediate family.  He never lived alone.  Darger would return from
work at night and create masterpieces—unaware of his talent.
Captivating drawings done effortlessly, void of the pretention of most
modern self-proclaimed artists, he was able to live his entire life
unaware of the legacy he’d soon leave behind.

Darger is more sophisticated in his subtlety and humble personality.
Norna is glorified by her audience because of her crass behavior and
obvious naivety.

Dear Reader,
If you are wondering where the point of this rant is going, rest
assured it shall reveal itself soon.  Sometimes secular explanation of
related subject matter is needed to prepare you for a certain affect
the writer is aiming to portray.  I present to you, currently, a Norna
video plucked from Youtube.com.

I realize I cannot write another article on the topic of Norna as each
reader will likely become mildly addicted to her content for a period
of time.  But, whatever.  Here it is. Your first glance at the
burgeoning performance artist.  Except, we’re not allowed to tell her
how important she is—yet.  That is, until she passes away and becomes
“re-discovered” by an enthusiastic curator.

So, someone beat me to the punch– I wasn’t planning on making a
movie– but this is testament to her genius.  I can’t find her links
anymore– apparently she has retired from Youtube.com.  However, here
is a link to the film:

TO BE CONTINUED. . . .


3 comments May 23, 2007

Stephanie Says, Part Two

I graduated college and hurriedly spent one balmy summer month in a
shoebox apartment somewhere in the Lower East Side. This was where I
first heard of the website “myspace.com“. My closest companion’s
roommate and old childhood friend lie lazily on the couch, clicking
and smiling on her and to her iBook. I asked what she was so
interested in, she replied, “Oh I’m just on myspace. What is your
profile name, I’ll add you.” Add me to what? I had no idea what she
was talking about. “Oh my god. How do you not know what myspace is?”
Her reply struck me as odd. I was not yet familiar with the practice
of laptop addiction and dependency.

Computers are possibly the single most addictive habit the greater
populous of Metropolitian culture has in common. It can be the hardest
item to avoid interacting with on a daily basis. Somehow we feel
connected and can temporarily validate our lives in what these
machines offer us. Myspace.com did not peak my curiosity until I
found myself living with my parents temporarily between moving from
the east coast to the west. Bored and tired of a rural-suburban life,
crammed in rooms with my immediate family who continually attempted
to make sense of my future and what it’s outcome should be, I retired
to the computer for escape. I looked up everything I wanted to know
on wikipedia. I soon found myself lurking on myspace.com. I was
scared of creating a profile. The commitment and attention it seemed
to demand was over-whelming. I took a few pictures of myself in my
room, upstairs at my parents house, in suburban Pennsylvania. I
loaded them on the family desktop and uploaded them to the community
site. I felt nothing but complete foolishness. I felt vain and
almost embarrassed that I was climbing aboard a social community that
appeared as an easy way to sell yourself to strangers and old friends
we lose touch with.

I’m hooked. I can’t tear myself from checking my messages and
searching for more friends that are hip to this device. Wow. I found
my first roommate in college. I found my childhood best friend. I
found my intern from my first job in LA. Wow. I found my BOSS.
Everyone is on to this. 100 to 134 to 217 to 348 friends I find. It
makes me feel less guilty about failing to phone or text e-mail my
friends. I post bulletins, I create answers to profile questions that
make me seem hip and confident. I wonder what others  with whom I am merely
an acquaintance with are thinking of when they look at my profile. I
start making judgements about strangers and long-lost friends.

Eventually it loses it’s appeal. I learn from my “hip” friends about
Flickr.com. A website that hosts personal still photo diaries one can
share with the world or with a few select people that are members of
it, too. I’ve made two accounts to date. Each horribly neglected and
not worth a damn. At least I can see my other friends stuff. It does
not catch on to the masses as well as some predicted. It’s doing well
but, not as well as myspace.

Along comes youtube.com . This site appeals to this connected
audience with such an aggressive popularity that I found myself still
curious as to how I went from being skeptical about it’s function to
daily glued to it’s immeasurable usefullness and often pleasantly
surprising it’s user with it’s content.


I worked at the headquarters of a web community site. I like to say I
“managed the product”. I offered a few minor suggestions and realized
two ideas I had to make the site more popular. My supervisors were
more then pleased and rewarded me for my selfless dedication to the
successes of their web community, their product. I soon lost all
enthusiasm in continuing to invent ideas that added to the appeal of
this sexually driven, pay site. My immeadiate supervisor seemed
pleased only when I did something which sold it’s product to a hungry,
lonely and despondant customer.

Outsiders called the site a “porn” site. Insiders did not dare to
call it such a name. We called it a pin-up site. Whatever that
meant, there were still naked women bending their bottoms, licking
lollipops, and draping their naked backs against cars, graffiti walls,
bathtubs, and kitchen tables. I’m selling sleezey photographs of 18,
19, 20, 25, 30 and even 36 year old women to sexually hungry
twenty-somethings, middle-aged, overweight lazy men, lesbians, child
molesters, and middle-class business men so bored with their own lives
they resort to secretly desiring the body of a 24 year old not exactly
sure why she decided to let her bare-body be permanently on display
for a shameful audience.

Most of these girls consort to the reasoning that they are
participating because they need money. The more frequent your profile
is visited the more money one makes. The sexy-factor became an idea
raked over by all the girls who committed themselves to allowing their
nudity to be displayed in a manner which was aimed at appealing to the
previously described audience.

A veil is thrown over this assumption. The creator proclaims the
females who comprise the site and are solely responsible for it’s
success are posing and getting undressed for themselves as an act of
an impulse to join a group of women who merely appreciate their
bodies. If this is the truth why can’t these young women do so
verbally and not have to take of their underware in order to prove
their commitment to such an idea.

Sell. Sell. Sell.

I was to find new girls around the globe that would strip for our
photographers—to them a stranger upon initial interaction, sign a
contract committing their images and likenesses to this oiled
machine—never to be removed, always available, even 20 years later,
even when the day comes and a girl wakes up and decides her decision
to turn her flesh into a product was a bad choice. It’s there.
Forever. It never can be erased. Even marriage or birth can breach
this agreement. Even death cannot breach this contract. I saw a girl
pour her heart into this community. I saw her decline in health. I
saw her and knew she was 20 years of age. I learned of her unexpected
over-dose on heroin. She was Italian. She made the news. She was
all over the community bulletins. Her nude photos were not removed
from the site. I believed this had to be the one exeception to the
rule. It was not. I wanted out. I wanted to no longer be a part of
this greedy mechanism.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .


1 comment May 23, 2007

Stephanie Says


PART ONE OF A FOUR PART ESSAY

If I introduced myself by filling these lines at first with tidbits of
the “hows” and “whys” I got where I am today, you would automatically
read the remainder of this blog with a permanent filter for the life
of my contributions. I shall remain, on a personal level, in a realm
of what one might call “mysterious”.

I, in a familial and platonic detail, do not matter from here on out.
I am merely fingers that type sentences and paragraphs and pages upon
pages to no end. I write all in vain. It is for myself and
contributes to my personal journey towards achieving peace of mind. I
am attempting to thrive without thoughts clouding my conscience to
exisit solely in the “now”.


Nornna: 3/20/06

Still reading? I am half lamenting over the interest in continuing to
indulge these frivolous clusters of sentences. I am getting to
“Nornna”. I will explain everything.

Youtube.com. An idea dreamt up by two teenagers obsessed with the now
not-so-mysterious (previously doubted by seasoned Marketing guru’s)
lucrative advertising tool in popular interactive websites.

At myspace.com the user decides the level of interaction and amount of
information offered to the community site. Frequent is the telling of
mistruths in such profiles. There is no contractual pretext of how
one behaves or exists through their “profile”. The user can make 50
different profiles if desired. The user can be a different person to
any member. The options are quite literally endless.

Endless.

I decide I am curious about what Swedish 20somethings are hip to; I
can simply enter three or four facts leading to a web page offering a
choice of that which I requested; searching through a database and
filtering out anything that has nothing to do with my key-words
search. This is just Myspace.com. This was just Friendster.com.

This was just match.com.

Whatever it was, whatever purpose it served to its user, two “kids”
decided this was not enough. This invention, creating a community
site to share albums upon albums of personal photographs, flourished.

What was next? Video sharing surfaces predictably slow; then,
exponentially rises in popularity. It’s instantaneous success drove
the two producers of this site into instant wealth, C-list Hollywood
fame, and A-List business status.

Yea…I said “C-List”.

Who? Yeah…that’s David Caruso. Who? Exactly.

Fortune 500 could do nothing but recognize and embrace this new giant.
The digital age kind of peaked because of this realized idea. Yes,
the site is amateurish in appearance. Its innumerable possibilities
make it the force not to be reckoned with that it is today.

Spawning from two young college peers, committed to an idea which they
decided the world could not do anything but, pay attention to, the
idea was born:

It’s appeal is massive. It’s reception is nearly lightening quick.
When you finally realize the potential and effortless appeal to the
modern audience you become afraid of it, not wanting to be sucked into
it’s careless grasp. Newscasters and late night talk show
personalities write in their most clever scripts ideas which directly
reference these websites, making them now seem to the late night
viewers as tools directly associated with web surfing and digital
communication.

She’s coming. . . Nornna is coming.

TO BE CONTINUED. ..


2 comments May 22, 2007

Philebrity’s Citizen Mom Cops Daily Miltonian Language Tic

I mean hey it’s not like we mind, these people are our pals — although we’ve never met the Citizen Mom — but as we’ve said before, the FSD Team/Experience completely encourages the collapse of the English language via Internet corruption, so the more unintentional typos that become intentional canon the better. Sweet FA.

Their line:

“Actually, me being able to take public transit into the city instead of schlepping up and down Route 55 would be sweet, if it weren’t such a complete feckin’ fantasy.”

Our Lolcat:


1 comment May 21, 2007

The Sky Position

Mini-Weekend update. The FSD team is pretty much under it right now: Gibbs is dealing with a busted computer, Alex is hell deep in hour zero wedding plans, Stephanie is, uh…Stephanie? Where’s those edits? And Erik is trying to find a new pair of sneakers because his sneakers are busted and his bike got stolen but he’s got to get around but not with people you know more like on his own see because he just quit smoking so his nerves are a little, yeah, y’know? Yeah.

FINAL AMERICAN ADVENTURE HISTORY

Still some odds and ends floating around from the FSD Meets America Tour March 2007. Observe:


Haunted Comet Crew, pre-Wowl ambush. Solid.


Green Room @ the Gypsy. No performance necessary, just show up and be there when you get there. There you were, now here you are.


Nati Saturday.


Post-War.


Omaha tonight: anywhere after here.


Ask ya Nebraska.


It could have been a brilliant career.

And hey hey hey, fans of the Last Days/FSD/America mini-video series — here it is…the final FSD/Road video! Click this link to watch our montage of American roads circa March 2007…and if you want to revisit any of the previous videos or haven’t seen any of it, well, it’s all there, so enjoy!


One last thing. Just saw the raddest flick, Host, for a mere three bucks over at the Mission Theater, conveniently located right down the street from the FSD Office in lovely NW Portland. One of the best monster movies of all time? HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION.


Add comment May 19, 2007

Never Lose That Feeling

Hey kids, we’re back, still chuggin’ along. Some items for you, because everyone needs items.

ITEM:

Next week marks the season finales of both Lost and Heroes, and just as we were about to pack up our televisions for the summer we found out this great piece of news from Variety:

Heroes: Origins” will air in “Heroes’” Monday night time slot when that smash hit takes a hiatus. The net has ordered six segs of “Origins,” which, combined with “Heroes,” makes for 30 hours altogether.

“Heroes: Origins” will center on characters not yet seen on the original show. Peacock has also added an interactive element to the show: Viewers will be asked to pick their favorite character from “Origins,” who will then join the cast of the full-blown “Heroes” skein the following year.

The initiative to keep the “Heroes” franchise in originals for as long as possible harkens back to the golden age of TV, when series aired 39 weeks worth of originals, then took a break.

Golden Age of TV indeed!

ITEM:

Miranda July is reading from her new book No One Belongs Here More Than You this Friday, here in Portland, at the First Congregational Church 1126 SW Park, 7pm. We’d say this is cool until he heard it was thirteen smackeroos. That’s a lot of cash to watch someone read from a book.

But here’s a better ITEM: the Daily Miltonian’s own Erik Bader is reading tonight at the Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th, on a bill featuring the truly strange Dragging An Ox Through Water and a few other local notables. Get some, go again!

ITEM:

It’s no secret that all of us at the Miltonian love the Internet, and it’s sites like airlinemeals.net that keep us coming back for more. Calling themselves the world’s first and leading website about nothing but airline food — well, what more do you want from us? Follow the link and start exploring. The above photo is from a B-707 Y - Class Service on LH Intercontinental Flights to the US, sometime in the 1960’s. There’s way more where that came from. Buh-bye!

ITEM:

New column forthcoming. Be patient. Good things come to those who wait.


8 comments May 16, 2007

The Lowest Part Is Free!

We haven’t been posting here much. We’ve been living elsewhere even more. There’s stuff on the way: a new column from our good pal Stephanie Smith. More installments of the Hi-Rise stories. More listings. Maybe even some news for a change.

Why is the new Bjork getting such meh reviews? Like you think it could have been weirder or something? People, this shit has no peers, let alone a genre. You shouldn’t even be able to review it, you just have to say “It’s the new Bjork album!” And then you go home and you put the CD into your CD player and you sit down on the couch and you listen to it. Oh, and you smile, that happens too.

Get Into It: In 1938, the View-Master was invented, here in Portland, by a guy named William Gruber. The Magic of View-Master, over at the 3D Center of Art & Photography, is your ticket to get into this shit, featuring a whole slew of cameras, viewers, reels and projectors.


Also on board: original sculptures from View-Master artist, Joe Liptak, who hand-crafted many of the best View-Master sets in the 1970’s including Cinderella, the Jungle Book and the Flintstones.

It just all seems so pure, doesn’t it? Imagination plus technology plus art sometimes really does make magic. Summer is just around the corner: what are you going to invent?


Add comment May 15, 2007

Buffy Night

Can we resist this?  Afraid not.  At Tonic, 3100 NE Sandy Boulevard.  Yep.


2 comments May 13, 2007

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