Ask Crooks!

Dear Crooks, please explain from a male point of view, the Fade Out break up. I know a lot of ladies who have recently experienced this strange phenom and I think we all want answers.

Fade Out break up: Kevin and I were dating for a while and things were honestly great. Little road trips to Jersey, great fucking at a family house in the woods, sleep overs, art making, movie watching and lots of eating and laughing. All of a sudden, what should have been a normal Saturday night phone call turned into an obviously ignored call on his end. To my dismay I call again the next day and FUCKING no response. This was so weird cause we talked everyday???? Next thing you know it is totally over and was never dealt with he just Faded me OUT. It happens all the time Crooks, what’s the deal?

-No Name Given

Crooks responds:

Dear NoNaomie Cambell,

Ahh the Fade Out. A practice in bridge-burning for the indolent and broken.

First and foremost, the fade out exposes the guy as a retarded coward, and you’re much better off without him. Annnndddddd now for the truth.

The Fade Out is a guy’s way of telling you that he does not want shit to do with you anymore. What happens is that like all relationships, one party loses interest. The fade out suggests that he doesn’t feel comfortable or close enough that he can tell you the truth or end things in any respectable way. Get back on the hook sucker. You obviously did something wrong too, whether it’s an inflexible personality trait or a physical flaw (deformity) you were born with, he’s just not that into you.

Now on to the advice. The next time you are faced with a Fade Out it is crucial that you strike first. I’m serious, the very first sign that things aren’t working, you will put on your ugly coat make your way to wherever he is, where you will then end things immediately. He might say you’re overreacting, or that he wants things to work out, or that you’ve misread or even fabricated the whole dam thing. Lies. Trust me. He’s only doing this to protect you and to protect himself, setting you up for his eventual fade out in a few weeks, maybe even sooner. The preemptive breakup will protect you from the approaching tempest of pain, while it also frees up your time for the next guy to come along and break your soul.

Listen, that love shit is fucked. James Joyce wrote,

”Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another’s soul.”

So stop searching for it because we all got ruined a long, long time ago.

Ohh, and stop asking me for relationship advice.

-Crooks

Got a question for Crooks and aren’t afraid of the depressing, soul-crushing, brutal truth? Ask Crooks via info@truejersey.com and brace yourself for an ice-cold bucket of reality! Dumped right on your fucking head!